


Someone to Call My Own

by Major_Fortune



Series: Someone to Call Home [2]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Consensual Underage Sex, Daydreaming, Demisexuality, Denial of Feelings, Dream Sex, F/F, First Kiss, Floor Sex, Grinding, Lesbian Sex, Light Dom/sub, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Porn With Plot, Praise Kink, Public Sex, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sexual Fantasy, Teasing, Vaginal Fingering, demi Yasha, gray ace Yasha
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:00:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26777020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Major_Fortune/pseuds/Major_Fortune
Summary: All the (canon and non-canon ) smut scenes from my other fic Someone to Call Home - can also be read as standalone PWP stories.Set in a reform school for troubled teens with criminal records and complicated pasts. Mostly Beauyasha but there will also be some Widojest along the way. (tags will be updated as chapters go)
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha
Series: Someone to Call Home [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1952086
Comments: 13
Kudos: 76





	1. A Kiss with a Fist

**Author's Note:**

> When Beau and Yasha decided to spar in the school's kitchen in the middle of the night, the spark between them turns into a roaring fire. As they get closer, however, Beau loses her nerve and misses her chance to kiss Yasha.  
> But what if she had actually done it? Find out if her fears were justified or if she missed out in his chapter from Yasha's POV.
> 
> This was supposed to just be a quick smut scene but I ended up with over 4k of spice but also fluff and lots of complicated feelings. I hope you enjoy it!  
> If you came from Someone to Call Home, thank you for reading this companion story!  
> If this is the first thing you read from this AU, wanna give Someone to Call Home a shot? You won't regret it, promise ;)  
> Comments and Kudos are always appreciated!

“You’re a fighter too, right? Show me what you’ve got. It’ll be a roommate bonding experience or whatever.”

When Beau first suggested that they fight, Yasha was sure that she was kidding. It wasn’t that she thought Beau couldn’t fight, she was clearly built for it, with a lean, toned figure that Yasha had caught herself staring at more than once since they had met.

But the mischievous smirk on her face, that’s what threw Yasha off. She had never been the best at reading people and the way Beauregard seemed to always hide what she was thinking behind that cocky smirk of hers made her a specially difficult puzzle to figure out.

But when Beau put her warm palm on her chest and pushed her, a challenge in her piercing blue eyes, Yasha had put the pieces together. It had been a long time since she had been in a fight and the familiar thrill of it ran through her body, pushing her into motion.

But there was also another feeling in her, something new and exciting but all together frightening. When she looked at Beau, poised to fight in her pijamas with that defiant grin on her lips, she was flooded with _want_.

Yasha had never believed in love at first sight, because she had never even felt _lust_ at first sight. Unlike Molly who seemed to want to sleep with about eighty percent of the people he met and could rant on and on about which celebrities he would have an orgy with, Yasha never felt that urge to touch an attractive stranger. Even with Zuala it had been a slow growing thing, by the time she had started having those kinds of thoughts, they had known each other for months, they had shared dreams and secrets they had never told anyone else. By the time they had their first kiss, Yasha already knew that she was in love.

But now there was Beau.

Beau who she knew pretty much nothing about.

Beau who she had barely talked to.

Beau who was not Zuala....

Beau who was so beautiful and funny and intriguing.

Beau who set her whole body ablaze with one look.

Beau who made her want to run her hands and her tongue over all of that delicious golden brown skin…

She gritted her teeth and forced her mind to stop. She had no right to think of Beau like that, it was inappropriate and disrespectful, both to Beau and to Zuala’s memory. No matter where her mind drifted to and how much time passed, her heart still belonged to her. She would always be Zuala’s.

Besides, there was no chance that anything was going to happen between them, it wasn’t as if Beau was also attracted to her. How could she be? She was incredibly sexy and charming, she could probably get any women she wanted. Why would she ever want a gangly, awkward giant like Yasha?

No, there was absolutely no reason for Yasha to dwell on those thoughts, so she tried to focus on what was at hand. If what Beau wanted was to fight, she would gladly fight her. She needed the distraction now more than ever.

She grabbed the hand Beau had placed on her chest and twisted it around, trying to pin her arm behind her back.

“Okay, but remember, you asked for it...” She whispered as she pulled Beau up against her body.

Her voice was low and hoarse, embarrassingly _needy_ in a way Yasha had never heard herself sound before. But, this close, she could smell her own shampoo on Beau’s hair and she couldn’t help but picture her, naked in their shower, running her hands over the soapy planes of her muscled body. The image was so distracting she almost didn’t notice Beau slipping from her grasp.

“Yeah. Now make me regret it, Nydoorin.” Beau answered as she backed away, smirking in a way that made sparks run down Yasha’s body, all the way from the palm of the hand that had just been touching her, to between her legs. 

So much for clearing her head...

Her next attempt was much more successful. As she got into position and started circling Beau, she bit the inside of her cheek and the sharp taste of blood kept her focused solely on the fight.

They circled each other for a while, eyes trained on one another, before Yasha decided to go in for a punch. Beau crouched right in the knick of time and tried to kick Yasha’s legs out from under but didn’t account for Yasha’s calf muscles, she barely felt the hit. Yasha expected her to attack again right away, maybe go for her ribs or try her legs one more time but, while she seemed to consider it, Beau just backed up.

“You’re holding back.” Yasha she didn’t ask, she stated, her tone coming off more accusatory than she intended. She needed Beau to give it her all, she needed to lose herself in the movement and the pain of it so her mind didn’t wander again.

“Didn’t want to intimidate you by showing all my moves right away.” Beau fired back smugly.

“It takes a lot to intimidate me.”

“Don’t doubt that. But these are some reeeally great moves.” Beau wiggled her eyebrows at her and, although she didn’t have a lot of experience with the subject, Yasha could have sworn Beau was flirting with her. Which was ridiculous, she was probably just trying to distract her so she wouldn’t see her next hit coming, that made more sense. 

Yasha smiled, she wasn’t going to get tricked that easily. She wouldn’t even give her a chance to strike first.

“Yeah? Then put them on me.” She whispered, trying her hardest to flirt back. Only to then swiftly kicked Beau square in the stomach, sending her stumbling backwards until she hit the counter behind her.

For a long, tense moment, Beau just stood there against the counter, head lowered, wispy strands of loose hair falling over her eyes, not moving at all. Yasha started to worry that she had hit her too hard and was about to ask her if she was okay when Beau finally looked up at her, a smirk still on her face, her eyes blazing with a renewed fire that made heat pool low in Yasha body. She opened and closed her hands at her sides, fighting back the need to move towards her, to grab her and push her against her, to feel her in any way she could. But, by the time her control started to slip, Beau was already on the move.

Beau ran towards her at full speed and began trying to punch her with all her might, going for her sides. She was incredibly fast, probably faster than anyone Yasha had ever fought, she tried her hardest to dodge her attacks, knowing well by the way her heart was racing that she wouldn’t be able to keep it up forever. She eventually found herself cornered, her back against the wall with no direction to dodge in, just waiting for Beau’s next blow. She didn’t go for a punch though, she twisted her leg and tried to kick her side.

Yasha reached out blindly and grabbed her ankle before the hit landed, fingers circling warm skin, holding it in an unbreakable grip. A victorious smile started to tug at Yasha’s lips, knowing that she had the upper hand now that Beau was trapped, when the other girl spun in the air and kicked her with her other leg.

Yasha felt the breath get knocked out of her, pain like she had seldom felt before radiated from the spot Beau had kicked, making it impossible for her to even scream. She knew that had not being a normal kind of kick, she had purposefully hit something inside her - maybe her liver or her kidney? Yasha had never been good at anatomy or any of the science-y subjects in school - that had her gasping for breath and weak at the knees.

As she doubled over in pain, heart beating wildly, head spinning from the sudden lack of oxygen, Yasha realized this was the most alive she had felt in months.

She also realized she could take Beau down with her, so she grabbed her other leg before Beau had the time to regain her balance and they both fell in a heap on the floor.

Beau landed on her back, her chin tucked into her chest so she didn’t hit her head on the tile and Yasha fell on top of her, spreading her hands out on each side of Beau’s head to catch herself and not to completely crush the smaller girl. When Beau looked up however, their heads knocked together with a sickening _crack_.

“Shit!” Beau cried out.

“Fuck!” Yasha screamed at the same time.

They both covered their faces, feeling carefully around the new growing bumps on their foreheads. When they looked at each other again, wearing mirrored expressions of pain, they immediately started laughing.

Only when their laughter began to die down did Yasha fully understand that she was on top of Beau, her waist tucked between her legs, their chests touching with every laboured intake of breath. The warmth of her body felt good, alive and thrumming with energy, it made something primal in Yasha stir, like she belonged here, tangled in her. Her eyes immediately fell to Beau’s mouth, to the soft curves of her upper lip, to the gash in the bottom one, she was so close she wouldn’t even have to bend down to kiss her...

Suddenly, Beau reached up and tucked a strand of Yasha’s hair behind her ear and Yasha felt herself freeze under the light touch of her fingers. If her heart had been racing before, it was positively thundering now, if she listened closely it almost sounded like it was screaming _kiss me, kiss me, kiss me._

Shame flooded her senses, bitter and suffocating. She hated herself for wanting to feel the touch of someone that wasn’t Zuala. She hated herself more for wanting it from a girl who was so clearly out of her league.

Beau pushed herself up on one elbow and, for a moment, Yasha actually thought her desperate wish had been heard by some benevolent God and Beau really was going to kiss her. When their eyes met and she saw the uncertainty in Beau’s stare, however, she quickly shook her head and snapped out of it. Beau was clearly trying to get away from her, she should just do them both a favour and get up before things got even more awkward...

Except, when she tried to move away, Beau placed a hand on the back of her neck and pulled her in for a kiss.

It was just a soft, gentle brush of lips at first. Beau kissed her like she was asking for permission and honestly expected rejection. Yasha was so shocked she almost didn’t move but, right as Beau was starting to pull away, she grabbed her around the waist and claimed her lips hungrily. Their lips clashed and glided roughly, like they couldn’t wait to get more of one another, like no amount of touch was enough. Their tongues met and fought for control and it was almost like their battle had not ended after all, just morphed into something different but equally exhilarating.

Beau’s lips weren’t soft, they were thinner than Yasha’s and slightly chapped but the way they felt when they met her own was pure perfection. Beau bit into Yasha’s bottom lip hard enough to hurt and then licked it better and Yasha’s entire body felt like it was on fire. She payed her back in kind, lavishing Beau’s mouth with her tongue, running her hands down her waist to her hips.

She had forgotten about the cut on Beau’s lip until she ran her tongue over it and realized their kisses had reopened the wound. She was about to stop and apologize when she heard Beau moan into the kiss, her body arching to touch more of hers. Yasha was immediately addicted to the sound, she wanted to make her moan like that over and over again.

Beau tangled her hands in Yasha’s hair and pulled her down until there was no part of their bodies that didn’t touch. Yasha was barely holding herself up anymore, her full weight was on Beau now and she was afraid that she was going to hurt her but Beau seemed to enjoy it. When their hips met, Beau wrapped her legs around Yasha, enveloping her in her heat and making Yasha wish there weren’t any clothes between them.

Deep down, Yasha expected this to feel wrong, she expected herself to be sickened by the mere thought of kissing someone who wasn’t Zuala. But, although her heart was troubled, her body felt more than right and her mind was blissfully quieted by the way Beau moved beneath her.

“Hey... is this okay?” Beau asked, pulling away once she sensed Yasha’s momentary hesitation.

“Yeah... it’s- it’s very okay.” Yasha mumbled awkwardly, her cheeks growing warm not because of what they were doing but due to her own inability to form a coherent sentence. She had always been better with her actions than her words so she kissed Beau again, just a soft, reassuring peck. “Is it okay for you?”

“More than okay. You’re fucking amazing!”

Beau smiled up at her, blue eyes heavy lidded, hair messy, lips red and swollen from kissing her, and Yasha felt her heart skip a beat in her chest.

She wasn’t ready for _this_. Making out, she could do. Sex? Probably, her body felt more than ready for it. But actual feelings? That was more than she could handle at that point.

So she buried her face in the crook of Beau’s neck, kissing her way to the soft spot where it met her shoulder and bit down, sucking a bruise into Beau’s tender skin. Beau gasped, one of her hands holding on to Yasha’s back, short nails digging in.

“Fuck...” She whined.

“Too much?” Yasha asked, her voice rough.

“No. More... please! Touch me, Yash!”

The way she pleaded so easily turned Yasha on more than she would ever admit, while the nickname tugged at her heartstrings in a way she would rather not dwell on. She grabbed Beau’s ass with one hand, groping it roughly and let the other slide under Beau’s shirt, feeling up the side of her ribcage. It soon became clear that Beau wasn’t wearing a bra and Yasha tugged at the hem of her shirt, wordlessly asking to take it off. Beau didn’t use her words either, she lifted her torso off the floor and took it off herself.

Yasha had to stop hiding to take in the sight of Beau’s bare chest but it was so worth it. She was so beautiful it was almost too much to look at, Yasha could have spent hours just admiring the lines of her abs, the deep V that disappeared into her shorts, her small perky breasts and all that gorgeous, scar speckled skin.

She must have stared for too long because Beau started looking around worriedly, wringing her t-shit in her hands like she was considering putting it back on. Yasha put her hand lightly over hers, stopping her.

“You’re perfect, Beauregard...” She sighed. “It’s just been a while since I’ve done this. I’m afraid I don’t quite know where to start...”

Beau chuckled, dropping the shirt on the floor. “Don’t worry, there’s no wrong option. Touch what ever you like, I’m all yours.”

Yasha couldn’t stop the low, growling groan that escaped her lips. She dipped her head down and licked a line up Beau’s stomach, between the defined planes of her abs, feeling the way she tensed under her touch.

“That’s a fucking fantastic start...” Beau whimpered as Yasha kissed her chest between her breasts before taking one of her nipples into her mouth, sucking on it, circling it and flicking it with her togue. “Oh Gods, Yash!”

Her hands dug into Yasha, the one on her back leaving pink half moons on her skin, the other pulling at her hair, the mixture of pain and pleasure intoxicating. Yasha touched the waistline of Beau’s shorts and, when the other girl didn’t stop her, slipped her hand inside. Beau was wet, wetter than Yasha expected. The idea that it was because of her, that _she_ had done that to Beauregard Lionett, one of the most gorgeous, most effortlessly captivating women she had ever seen, made her head spin.

Yasha ran her fingers between her folds, enjoying the absolutely filthy sounds of her slick and the way Beau canted her hips into her touch, mewling softly. Yasha circled her clit, just barely touching it but not putting enough pressure to ease any of Beau’s need.

“Please... Don’t tease, I don’t think I can take it.” Beau keened.

Yasha looked up from her chest and chuckled softly, leaving gentle kisses over Beau’s breasts. “But you’re so fun to tease. You make such pretty sounds for me...”

She finally brushed Beau’s clit with her thumb and dipped a single finger inside her, knowing that her hands were much larger that most girls’, her fingers much thicker. Beau’s cunt was hot and tight but she was also so wet that she took her in with barely any resistance, sliding down her finger up to the knuckle as a torrent of pleading and curse words left her lips.

Yasha kissed the edge of her jaw, moving in and out of her as her thumb kept pace. “How does that feel?”

“So fucking good! Don’t you dare stop!” Beau panted, chasing after Yasha’s lips for another kiss.

“I wasn’t thinking about it. Do you think you can take another one?”

“Fuck yeah, I can!”

Yasha slowly pulled her finger out and added another one. This time it wasn’t as easy and Yasha took her time pushing in, letting Beau adjust to the stretch. Beau’s eyes rolled to the back of her head, her lips parting in a moan so loud Yasha was glad they were in a completely empty building.

“That’s it. Such a good girl taking it all in.” She whispered in Beau’s ear, starting to move again. She clenched down around Yasha’s fingers as she received praise and Yasha smirked, saving that information for another time.

Not that she thought there was going to be another time... No one got this luck twice.

“Oh my Gods, Yasha!” Beau whined, her hips moving of their own accord as she chased the orgasm Yasha was pushing her closer to. She grabbed the edge of Yasha’s shirt and lifted it up just a bit, her hands shaking. “Can I... I want to touch you too.”

Yasha’s movements stuttered but she forced herself not to stop. She was divided between the overwhelming need pulsing between her legs and the twist in her stomach that told her that, after all, she wasn’t ready for that much intimacy yet. She swallowed down the bile in the back of her throat and pushed her shirt up. She didn’t take it off but left her stomach and bra on display for Beau to touch as she saw fit. It was a healthy compromise and, while it still left her nervous, she could push through that.

Beau made the softest sound, somewhere between a sigh and a gasp as she stared at Yasha’s chest. Yasha knew her black bra was old and a little worse for wear but Beau didn’t seem to mind, she looked completely mesmerized as cupped the side of one of Yasha’s breasts through the fabric and sunk her face between them.

“You’re so fucking hot!” She whispered into her skin, leaving open mouth kisses all over her chest. Yasha had a hard time accepting the compliment but she rewarded Beau all the same by crooking her fingers, finding the sweet spot that had Beau’s thighs shaking. “Shit! If you keep doing that I don’t think I’m going to last much longer.”

Yasha looked her in the eye and smiled. “Then don’t. Be a good girl and come for me, Beauregard.”

Another crook of her fingers was all it took for Beau to fall apart, moaning her name over and over like it was the only thing her fucked out brain could remember. She looked so absolutely beautiful all undone, sweat shinning on her brow, cheeks flushed, eyes hazy, that Yasha knew she would not be able to forget the sight of her even if she wanted to.

“Wow... that was... wow!” Beau mumbled, her body still trembling from the after shocks.

Yasha expected her to roll over and get up, tell her they had a good time but now they needed to go back to their room and pretend this didn’t happen. But Beau just went back to exploring Yasha’s chest and stomach, her hands roaming over abs and hips, her mouth suckling on one of Yasha’s hard nipples through the fabric. Yasha was always quiet but the wet heat or Beau’s mouth on her and all the visual stimulation was too much for her to stop herself from moaning Beau’s name.

“Let me make you feel good too.” She said, her hand drifting down the the waitband of Yasha’s pijama pants.

Despite how obviously turned on Yasha was, her pants sticking to the slick dripping down her thighs, her mind was suddenly filled with memories of her and Zuala in her bed, her body beneath Yasha’s, her hand inside her pants. The same cold, paralyzing shame settled over her chest and she stopped Beau’s hand, grabbing it and pinning it over the other girl’s head.

“No!” She said way too loudly, scaring both Beau and herself. “I... I’m sorry m-maybe some other time? Can you... can you just kiss me?”

Beau studied her face for a beat, before nodding slowly. “Yeah, of course! What ever you need, Yash.”

The kindness of her words and the way she kissed her ever so gently had Yasha all choked up but she did her best to hide it as she kissed Beau back. Yasha adjusted their bodies so one of Beau’s thighs was pressed between her legs and started grinding on her, her hips and lips moving with increased urgency.

Between her own slick and the fabric of her pants, finding the right amount of friction was hard but it had been such a long time since Yasha had even touched herself that she felt her climax approach quickly. She ground down sloppily, her movements becoming more and more uncoordinated as she got closer to the edge, but Beau helped her on, keeping her thigh right where Yasha needed it and holding her hips down, grounding her.

“Fuck it!” Yasha grunted. “Take my bra off. I want to... I want you.”

Beau looked a starving woman who had just been offered her favourite meal but she didn’t reach for her bra right away and that just solidified Yasha’s decision even more in her mind.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah Beau, I’m...”

Yasha was interrupted by the loud ringing of a bell. She blinked slowly and realized it was the morning bell, waking them up for the day’s activities. She noticed that she was back in the dorm, in her own bed, with Beau sleeping in the other one, looking peaceful among the blankets, totally unaware of what Yasha had been fantasizing about.

In a rush, all of the night’s memories came back to her, the fight, the moment where Yasha had wished for a kiss that never actually happened, the way Beau had looked at her after she told her about Zuala.

Reality was far colder and less satisfying than her dreams, now that the sun was up, she couldn’t pretend that the girl laying beside her was even remotely interested in her.

With a sigh, she got up, feeling the very real wetness between her legs as she walked to the bathroom. She needed at the very least a really cold shower if she wanted to be able to look Beau in the eye again.


	2. Slippery Slope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite her best efforts, Yasha can't help but fantasise about Beau. Sometimes day dreams mean more than you want them to. Sometimes you can overestimate you own self-control.  
> (TW for self harm)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Sorry for the extended absence but life got in the way. I'm not done with this fic or any of my other incomplete ones, don't worry.  
> This is more of a character study than pure smut (althought there's def a lot of that too) and it's kind of experimental when it comes to the lines between reality and fantasy, so bare with me.  
> TW for self harm - this does get pretty dark at some points and has descriptions of self harm althought it is not cutting and there's no blood involved. If you think you may be triggered by that, skip this one. You're mental health should always come first!  
> As always, Kudos and Comments are very much appreciated <3

Yasha returned to the gym after dropping Beau off at Dr. Pumat’s office. She rushed through the halls and crossed the main gymnasium floor where they had their meditation class to get to the weight room in the back. She could tell by the stares she received on her way that she looked angry. Angry enough for them to step out of her path and avoid her eyes.

She wasn’t, however. Rage was easy to understand and to deal with, this... this was slightly more complicated.

She guessed the right word for it was “frustrated”. She was frustrated.

Frustrated with Molly because, despite her conversation with Beau, she was still sure he was up to no good.

Frustrated with Beau for how easy she got under her skin with her smirks and jokes.

But, most of all, she was frustrated with herself for not knowing how to handle both of these situations. She felt like lately she was moving and thinking in slow motion, letting things pass her by before she could react. Until it was too late and there was nothing she could do except regret what she had done and, above all, what she had not.

It made her feel helpless, powerless, weak. Trying hopelessly to grasp at any sense of control in her own life, coming up with nothing but empty hands and a fearful heart.

She wished she had noticed Molly was missing sooner and went looking for him before the monks did. Maybe she would have caught him in the act, maybe she would have found him sleeping, either way she would have known that he was okay.

She also wished she could replay her entire conversation with Beau in the cafeteria with a cool, collected mind. She wished she could look her in the eye when she jokingly pretended to flirt, without thinking of the dream she’d had. She wished she could flirt back without remembering the sight of Beau, shirtless in their bedroom, her half naked body out of Yasha’s sight except for the side of one bare breast.

Gods, she was more beautiful than Yasha could have ever pictured in her dreams and just thinking about it made her heart race and her hands sweat in a way that was suspiciously similar to panic. Yasha wished she could explain why Beau made her so damn nervous, but it wasn’t something logic had anything to do with.

She knew she wouldn’t be this on edge, at least when it came to Beau, if she had just gotten herself off in the shower, but that had felt wrong. Dreaming about touching Beau was already morally questionable but it was not something she had consciously chosen to do. Touching herself while thinking about it, however, meant crossing a line. One that, weather for moral reasons or fear of what feelings doing that could bring up, Yasha wasn’t willing to cross.

The weight room was mercifully empty, quiet as the grave and filled with the familiar, but not exactly pleasant, scent of mildew and body odour. She pulled off her sweatshirt, leaving it on top of one of the machines, and took her place in front of the large punching bag in the corner of the room. She started going through her usual warm up, a simple sequence of punches, one-two, right and left and over again, her feet trying their best to keep pace. Her footwork had always been her weak spot. With her sheer size and strength, Yasha never had to learn how to avoid getting hit, how to dodge and dance around her opponents like Beau did. Yasha would never be lithe and graceful like her but, then again, there was no point to it when you could just take the hit and give it back twice as hard.

As she fell into the familiar rhythm of the workout, her mind started to wonder again, back to this morning, back to Beau. She began thinking of things she should have said instead of mumbling and hiding behind her hair and quickly her wondering turned into fantasizing, cleaver wordplay turned into full on flirting, turned into touching.

Yasha stopped, her body frozen mid punch, shaking slightly with guilt and shame. She shouldn’t be having these kinds of thoughts, not about anyone other than Zuala, but specially not about Beau. She made herself sick, her breakfast turning into a solid lump in her stomach that threatened to crawl back up her throat.

And yet, despite all this, her brain wouldn’t stop providing her with images of Beau, making her obsess over her smile and her eyes... Gods, Yasha had never seen someone with eyes that gorgeous! That stare made it so hard to focus when they talked, and yet Yasha always seemed to manage to pay attention because she didn’t want to miss a word she said. She was _captivated_ by her, every part of her, in and out.

But that was it, wasn’t it? She had a fascination with the other girl, because she was new and pretty and present in Yasha’s life in a way she had only allowed Molly and Zuala to be before. But it was just a physical attraction, there were no feelings between them. Beau only saw her as a roommate, maybe a friend, and Yasha... Shit, Yasha had lived in a daze since Zuala’s death, barely feeling anything that wasn’t pain or anger. She didn’t think she could love again even if she wanted to. Which was good. Her heart had no right moving on to someone else when Zuala’s couldn’t.

Whatever attraction she felt for Beau, it wasn’t something real she could hold on to, something that would force her to let go of Zuala. And, in that way, no matter how inappropriate her thoughts got, it was all _innocent_.

Slowly, bit by bit, she forced herself to relax again and returned to her workout. As long as she _kept it_ innocent - which she had every intention to - it wasn’t as bad as she was making it out to be. As long as nothing she fantasized about spilled over into real life and she didn’t get her feelings involved, she wouldn’t be betraying Zuala’s memory.

And here, in the weight room, with her hands busy and Beau far, far away, she was safe to fantasize.

Just this once.

Taking a deep breath, in through her nose and out through her mouth, Yasha rolled back her shoulders and let her mind return to the moment she had been brave enough to tease Beau in the cafeteria.

_“Are you really sure you’re not a prude?” She remembered asking._

_“Pretty fucking sure.” Beau smirked and leaned in_ _. Except_ _this time, because it was Yasha’s fantasy and she could do what she pleased,_ _Beau_ _got much closer_ _,_ _their_ _knees and hips_ _touch_ _ing_ _under the table, the heat of Beau’s body seeping through Yasha’s clothing. “Do you need me to prove it to you?”_

_When Beau said these words in the cafeteria, Yasha had been sure that she was just joking. But now, in her head, it was a serious invitation, one Yasha didn’t want to shy away from._

_“Yeah, I do.” She whispered back with more confidence than she would ever have in real life, her eyes locked on Beau’s. “Tell me the wildest thing you’ve ever done.”_

_Beau’s tan skin didn’t give as much away as Yasha’s but the way she looked down at the table was telling enough._

_“You mean... sexually?” Yasha didn’t answer, she just raised her brow expectantly. “Oh, yeah... okay... Lemme think...”_

_“Can’t remember anything?” She teased. “Or is the list that long?”_

_Beau frowned, but it was almost like a pout. Yasha suspected that not many people called Beauregard Lionett_ adorable _, but she really was. “Not_ that _long, but there’s a list, for sure.”_

_“I can’t wait to hear it.”_

_“Well, one time, my ex fingered me in a full movie theater.” She grinned victoriously. “How’s that for a prude?”_

_“You mean a dark movie theater? During the movie, when no one was paying attention_ _to you_ _?” Yasha scoffed. “That’s your wildest story?”_

_“I mean... It was...I-” Beau stuttered, getting so flustered her cheeks actually started to redden._

_“Would you ever let someone finger you in a crowded public place with the lights on?” Yasha interrupted her. “Or would that be too wild for you?”_

_“Of course I would. Sounds... fun.”_

_“What if it was here and now?”_

_Beau’s jaw dropped. “Yasha... that kind of sounds like you’re offering.” She laughed awkwardly_ _, Yasha didn_ _’t join in._

_“That’s because I am.” Yasha answered nonchalantly. “I want to_ _finger you_ _right now, in the middle of this crowded cafeteria.”_

_“_ Fuck _...”Beau swallowed hard._

_“Is that a yes?”_

_Beau went quiet and very still. “You’re kidding, right? You’re trying to prank the new girl...”_

_“I’m really not..” Yasha lifted her chin, forcing the other girl to look her in the eye. “If you’re not into it, that’s okay, Beauregard. You can just say no and we can pretend this never happened. But I need to hear you say it.”_

_If this was real life, this would be the moment where Beau would tell her to stop because it was a ridiculous idea and she wasn’t even into Yasha, at all. Hell, if it was real life Yasha wouldn’t have been bold enough to ever propose this in the first place. But since it wasn’t, Beau just shook her head eagerly, leaning into Yasha’s touch._

_“_ No _, I am! I’m really,_ really _, into you..._ ” _Beau stumbled on her words and Yasha’s heart- her actual heart, the one pumping hard as she worked out in the real world - twisted in her chest, punishing her for being self-indulgente. “I mean, into_ it. _But...” She looked at the cafeteria doors where two monks were stationed, watching the crowd like guards at a prison, waiting for a riot to start. “What if we get caught?”_

_“Isn’t that part of the fun?” Yasha smirked, letting go of Beau’s face._

_She bit her lip. “Yasha...”_

_It wasn’t quite a moan but there was an unmistakeable breathlessness to Beau’s tone that was unbelievably sexy to Yasha. In her mind, Yasha pictured Beau’s voice low and hoarse, like it was when she had just woken up and Yasha had to press her legs together to alleviate the need building between them._

_“Don’t worry, we’ll keep everything under the table. No one will see a thing.” Yasha shrugged, trying her best to keep her expression neutral. “But you’ll have to keep quiet. Do you think you can do that for me?”_

_Beau nodded, vehemently._

_“Good girl.”_

_The praise made Beau moan quietly, a beautiful, addictive sound that brought a smile to Yasha’s lips._

_She didn’t even know if the real Beau would be into this. Maybe she would rather be the one in control, maybe she really was more prudish than Yasha thought and liked to keep things sweet and gentle and private... It didn’t matter, she would never find out what the real Beau liked. But the one in her head was clearly eager and willing to go along with Yasha’s plan and that was enough to maker her wet in real life, even as she kept hitting the punching bag, alone and untouched._

_Fantasy Yasha reached under the table and pulled one of Beau’s legs over her own, spreading her wide. Then she took her time running her hand up and down Beau’s inner thigh, her touch feather light over her leggings, getting closer and closer to Beau’s core with every caress, but never quite close enough._

_“Yash...” Beau whined after a while._

_“What?” She asked innocently, stirring her oatmeal with her free hand._

“Touch me.” _She pleaded in a harsh whisper._

_“I thought I was.” Yasha_ _ate_ _a spoonful of the oatmeal. It was cold now but it didn’t matter, its only purpose was to frustrate Beau further and it worked like a charm._

_“You know what I mean.” Beau huffed._

_“No, I don’t think I do.” Yasha groped Beau’s thigh, digging her fingers into the lean muscle and stealing a gasp from Beau’s lips. “Why don’t you tell me exactly what you want me to do?”_

_The tips of Beau’s ears turned bright red. “Shit, Yash, you’re torturing me...”_

_“Am I? You’re usually so quick to answer with your jokes and your flirting. I thought you’d have an answer for me right on the tip of that clever little tongue of yours.”_

_She knew she had pushed Beau just enough when she rolled her eyes and leaned in to whisper is Yasha’s ear, or at least as close to it as she could get, which would have been her shoulder if Yasha hadn’t bent down to meet her half way._

_“If you think my tongue is clever, you should see what it can do between your legs.” She whispered huskily, making Yasha shudder._

_“I think people would notice if you disappeared under the table, all of a sudden.” Yasha answered, trying her hardest to keep her voice even and not let on how ridiculously turned on she was. She needed to keep the upper hand, to stay in control in a way she wasn’t in real life, specially when it came to Beau._

_Arguably, she could have made this easier for herself. She could have imagined a Beau that gave into her without pushing back, a Beau that didn’t tease and try to shift the balance between them. But she didn’t want easy, she wanted it to feel_ real. _The control would be meaningless if it didn’t feel real, she would open her eyes and feel as frustrated and powerless as before._

_“We could just sneak back to our room...” Beau said._

_Yasha pretended to considered it for a moment, her fingers drawing little circles on Beau’s thigh. She had made this up, she already knew what she wanted from this moment, what she_ needed. _Although the idea of Beau eating her out did sound pretty amazing, even if it was just in her mind..._

_“You’re that afraid of getting caught, hmm?”_

_“No! That’s not it...” Beau grumbled. “I just want to be able to touch you too.”_

_Yasha rewarded her by cupping her through the fabric of her leggings, not actually putting any pressure, just claiming her._ _Beau sighed and began to grind her hips shamelessly into Yasha’s hand, desperate for friction._

_“Maybe next time.”_

_She expected Beau to complain but she just looked up at Yasha with her usual smirk and an arched brow, as cocky as ever despite what was going on under the table. “Already thinking about fucking me again?”_

_Yasha tried to ignore the flush rising to her cheeks. “I was. Because I expected you to behave_ _. B_ _ut you’re clearly not going to, are you?”_

_She slapped Beau’s pussy lightly, before taking her hand away completely. Beau’s legs_ _jackknifed, clenching tightly together as_ _she keened._ _F_ _ortunately, between everyone’s else chattering and Jester’s loud giggles in the next table over, the monks didn’t seem to hear her._

_“Holy shit,_ Yasha _...”_ _Beau whimpered, putting her elbows on the table to prop her head up in a way that probably looked casual to anyone else, but Yasha could see that, behind her fanned out fingers, she was biting down on her thumb._

_“Did I hurt you?”_

_Beau let out a huff of laughter. “No, but you almost made me cum.”_

_“Just like that? You’re that wound up already?” Yasha chuckled._

_“Yasha, I swear to Ioun herself, if I don’t have your fingers inside me soon I’m going to soak through these leggings.”_

_The rush Yasha felt at hearing those words was better than any drug Molly had ever convinced her to try and she groaned, both in her fantasy and in real life. Not able to wait any longer, she slipped her hand inside Beau’s leggings and boxer shorts, brushing her curls and then lower until she felt Beau’s wet heat. She really hadn’t been kidding when she said she was soaked. Yasha’s mouth went dry. She wanted to_ taste her.

_Her hand drifted down to Beau’s entrance, letting her slick coat her fingers before coming back to her clit, circling it slowly._

_“Oh, fuck...” Beau hissed._

_“Tell me what you like, Beau. What do you want?”_

_Yasha_ _leaned over the table, positioning herself so she was covering Beau from sight_ _, creating a safety bubble with her body and her hair where everyone else faded away and it was just the two of them._

_The mood of the fantasy shifted completely. It was still exciting and sexy but if felt intimate now, personal. Beau’s eyes raised up to meet hers and Yasha knew what she was going to say before the words even materialized in her mind._

_“I really want to kiss you right now...”_

Yasha had to stop.

She forced her physical body to still and walked away from the punching bag. She took a lap around the room, then another, the small space making her feel like a caged animal. Eventually she decided to sit down on the bench press and took a couple of long, deep breaths to try and clear her head. It didn’t really work.

Thinking of Beau, like all vices, was a slippery slope. Whenever you thought you had your addiction under control, that you could take just enough to get you by, you slipped and ended up much further down than expected.

That request for a kiss was Yasha’s slip.

Her brain could have come up with anything, anything at all, from the tamest to the kinkiest fantasy. Yet all she had wanted was for Beauregard Lionett to want to kiss her.

She needed to _quit_ Beau. The idea of her, since the reality of her presence was impossible to avoid.

Unless...she could always ask Dairon to change rooms and stay away from her until the end of the program...

But she wasn’t going to. Just the thought of that made her chest tight, her breathing painful.

Maybe that was what she needed, pain. Not this sick emotional kind that was so very familiar, but the real physical one, the comforting one. Pain was an old friend of hers but also a focus and she really needed to focus on something that was not her roommate.

She reached for one of the weights and, for a long moment, considered dropping it on her foot. But then she thought of all the trouble a broken foot would bring. She would have to get a cast and that would be one hell of an attention grabbing accessory. People would stare, even more than usual, and Dairon would have _questions._ Yasha was under no illusion that the camp’s director didn’t have access to Dr. Pumat’s therapy notes on all of them, so they surely knew that Yasha was prone to these sorts of “accidents” from time to time. Yasha didn’t want to be sent in for extra therapy because of this, she didn’t need it, not when it was the first time she had even considered it in months...

So she didn’t do it. She just put the weight back on the rack... and left her pinky under it.

Pain shot up her arm and she pulled her hand away, cradling it against her chest as she laid down on the bench. She held back a groan, breathing through the pain as her finger throbbed with every beat of her heart. She knew her nail was going to turn purple, it could even fall off, but she didn’t care. It was a small enough injury that she could just let heal by itself and she was sure no one would notice it. Yet it still hurt, just enough for her mind to go hazy and for her to think that it had actually worked. Her brain was empty, there was no more Beau.

At least until she said thought about it...

_Just thinking about not imagining her anymore was enough to conjure her up again. Yasha was pulled back into that fantasy, into that imaginary cafeteria where her hand was down Beau’s pants. Except now things were even worse, because they were already kissing. And it was... amazing._

_It wasn’t the wild, uncontrolled making out of her previous dream, it was slow and gentle and dangerously_ tender. _Beau kissed her like a lover, not a random hook up and Yasha melted into her touch, wordlessly begging for more, needy in the way that only someone who had not felt the press of someone else’s lips against theirs in years could be. Beau didn’t complain, she didn’t even try to tease anymore, she just understood and gave Yasha exactly what she needed._

_It was perfect in every way and yet absolutely shameful. She never wanted it to end..._

_Beau’s tongue licked its way into her mouth, curious and deliciously warm, and Yasha took advantage of the moment to slip two fingers inside her cunt, swallowing Beau’s answering moan. She pressed the heel of her hand against Beau’s clit and let her rock into it, fucking herself on her hand, taking Yasha’s fingers deeper and deeper with every movement._

_Yasha curled her fingers inside her, looking for the exact spot that made Beau’s legs shake_ _,_ _and Beau whimpered, biting down on Yasha’s lower lip._

_“If we don’t_ _move_ _soon, people are going to get suspicious.” Yasha whispered, pulling away just enough to speak, her lips still brushing Beau’s. “If they aren’t already...”_

_Beau sighed. “I know.”_

_“Then you should tell me to move.”_

_“Hmmm...” Beau hummed as Yasha exchanged the heel of her hand for her thumb and began giving her clit some more direct attention. “I don’t want you to.”_

_“You’re not afraid of getting caught anymore?” Yasha chuckled._

_“No. I guess you’re a bad influence on me.”_

_“More of a reason for me to back away.”_

_Beau slipped her hand under the table and grabbed Yasha’s wrist, keeping her between her legs._

_“No!_ Please _, don’t stop!”_

_Yasha laughed and kissed her one more time, slowly and sweetly. “I won’t. I’ve got you.”_

_Then she finally pulled away, keeping her hand between Beau’s legs, her fingers never slowing._

_Looking around the cafeteria after being in their private bubble was like coming back to the surface, but Yasha would have rather stayed under the waves with Beau, even if she drowned._

_She leaned back in her chair, putting on her most_ _expressionless facade, as she searched the crowd for anyone paying the two of them a little too much attention, but didn’t find anyone staring back._

_Anyone, except Reani_ _,_ _of course._

_But Yasha had caught her looking_ _in their direction_ _way before their “under the table activities” had even begun. It wasn’t suspicion, she just had her eye on Beau._

Back in the real world, Yasha picked a couple of large, rounded weights and attached them to the bar so she could do some bench presses. She needed to continue her workout if she wanted to deal with the new emotions rising up in her.

She didn’t want Reani in her fantasy. She didn’t want her around _at all_! But, as in control as she wanted to be, there was still something else dealing the cards. This time it wasn’t a God, or fate, or whatever people called the natural order of the universe, it was her own subconscious. And it had decided that if she was going to work through what was frustrating her by fantasizing, then she needed to address Reani as well.

To be honest, she never had a problem with Reani before. She was a lovely girl, sweet and kind to everyone she spoke to. But as soon as Yasha noticed she was interested in Beau - and it was very clear to see that she was - all those positive feelings Yasha had associated with her before, turned to burning hatred.

She didn’t want to feel like this. Reani didn’t deserve her hatred, she had done nothing wrong. It was not her fault that she was so effortlessly beautiful and delicate and friendly and everything Yasha was not. It was not her fault that she noticed how amazing Beau was and that she was attracted to her. It was not her fault that Beau seemed to want her too.

She knew all of that, yet she still felt the urge to punch Reani in her perfect freckled face...

Yasha couldn’t say that she was jealous. She refused to, because that would involve feelings and that would break her own self imposed rules. Yet the word hung on the tip of her tongue, just waiting for her to admit it.

_In her fantasy, she turned her head, from Reani back to Beau, seeing if she was staring back at the blonde. Beau still had her head propped up on her hands, her expression the perfect picture of boredom except for the slight blush that only Yasha could see. But her eyes... her eyes were dark and hungry and glued to Yasha’s face, like it was still just the two of them._

_“I think your little friend noticed us.” Yasha whispered._

_“Hmm?” Beau mumbled. “Jester?”_

_“No._ Reani. _” Yasha practically growled her name and, maybe because of her tone, or what Yasha’s fingers were doing, Beau shivered. “Do you think she knows what I’m doing to you?”_

_Beau looked over towards Reani’s table and Yasha saw the other girl smile and wave at her. Beau smiled back a little and Yasha’s fingers stopped._

_“Yasha...” Beau whined._

_“Do you want her to watch you cum_ _for me_ _, Beauregard?” She curled her fingers again, dragging them against Beau’s walls until she was biting her_ _thumb_ _again to stop herself from squealing. She couldn’t hide the way her eyes rolled to the back of her head, however, and Yasha reveled in it. “Are you trying to make your little girlfriend jealous or do you think this will turn her on?”_

_Beau blinked slowly and looked up at her with glazed over, pleading eyes. “She’s not my girlfriend. She’s not my anything.”_

_“But you kind of wish she was, don’t you?” Yasha asked icily._

_“I...”_

_Yasha bent down to whisper in her ear._

_“Do you wish you had her fingers in your cunt instead?”_

_“_ No! _I...”_

_“Beau...” Yasha put her free hand on back of Beau’s neck, not squeezing, just putting enough pressure for her to go completely still, subdued. “Don’t lie to me. You’re not mine, you can do whatever you want.”_

_“I’m not... I...”_

_The bell rang, announcing that their breakfast time was over. Yasha let go and pulled her hand from between her legs, wiped it discretely on her own pants and got up. “Go to her. It’s for the best_ _. F_ _or both of us.”_

_Beau looked lost, her mouth stood open but no words came out. Yasha wanted to go back, she wanted to kiss her again and tell her to ignore everything she had said. Instead, she walked out or the cafeteria._

Yasha put the weight down with a loud _clunk._

That had not been how she expected her fantasy to end but it really was for the best. She felt a sense of closure, like she had found an answer for her frustration with Beau and Reani. It was nothing new, deep down she had known it all along, but it was good to feel her resolve forming in her mind. Beau was most definitively not hers and she had to stop thinking about her before anyone, most likely herself, got hurt. If Beau and Reani ended up getting together, it was for the best. Yes, it would be uncomfortable to watch and her anger at Reani was probably going to rise up at times but, in the end, Yasha would learn to be happy for them and everyone would be better off for it.

If she could let her go in her mind, she could do it in real life as well. It was just going to be a little more painful, but she had no problem handling pain.

With a slight smile on her face, Yasha picked the weight back up and started on another set. She was almost done when she heard someone walk into the weight room and clear their throat. Sitting up, she ran the back of her hand across her face, whipping away sweat from bleary eyes.

She didn’t know who she expected to see, but it was definitely not Beau. She smiled at Yasha from across the room and Yasha had to blink a couple of times to be sure that she wasn’t still fantasizing.

 _For Kord’s sake_ , how could she possibly be even more stunning in real life? Those eyes, staring at her so intently, like she wanted to eat her up... She remembered Beau’s words in her mind and silently mouthed a single _fuck._

“Good workout?” Beau asked as she came closer, holding a towel. Yasha noticed it was _her_ towel, the one she should have brought with her but had forgotten because she was too worked up over seeing Beau shirtless. 

“Yeah...” She mumbled, taking the piece of cloth from her. “Thanks. For the towel, I mean.”

“I didn’t want to interrupt you, but my therapy session ended early so I went back to our room and it was laying on your bed. Thought you might need it.”

It was such a small gesture but after what Yasha had been doing in her mind, it seemed incredibly kind and Yasha felt so guilty and undeserving that she wanted to apologize. She wouldn’t, of course, that would involve her explaining what she was apologizing for and she would rather break both feet than admit to her Beauregard that she had been having fantasies and sex dreams about her since pretty much the second they had met.

“I did... I do.” She blurred out lamely instead.

But Beau smiled like she had given her the biggest compliment and Yasha’s heart suddenly felt slightly too crowded behind the prison of her ribcage.

“If you’re done with that, maybe we can get that push up competition going. What do you think?” Beau leaned against the closest machine, crossing her arms nonchalantly. Then her eyes seemed to lock on the towel and her brow furrowed. “Hey, what happened to your finger?”

Yasha looked down at her hand, gripping the towel tightly against her chest, and noticed that not just her nail but her entire finger had turned purple.

“Oh! It- it’s nothing! I just... had an accident with the weights.” She shrugged like it was not a big deal but Beau leaned down and grabbed her hand, gentle callused fingers caressing her pinky. It didn’t hurt, in fact, Yasha was pretty sure that she had lost feeling in her entire body.

“Doesn’t feel like it’s broken, but it’s really swollen. Do you need to go to the nurses office?” Beau asked, her face so close to Yasha’s she could feel her breath on her lips. “Or I could go ask Mr. Clay for some ice.”

Yasha wanted to scream, she felt like she was going insane, all logical thought leaving her in her in a rush until she was running only on primal instinct. And her instincts craved nothing more than the girl in front of her. This was not like in her mind, _Beau_ was not like in her mind. She was so much more, more intense and more caring and more beautiful and Yasha knew there was no way she would be able to walk away if Beau told her she wanted her now.

She was slipping again down that slippery slope and the only thing stopping her, the only safety net she could rely on, was the impossibility that Beau could ever feel the same. But then, Yasha looked up into those blazing blue eyes and Beau’s lips quirked in that inviting grin of hers and, for a second, Yasha could have sworn she saw the same burning desire she felt staring back.

The safety net was gone and she was slipping, she was falling, faster than she could stop herself. She knew the landing would hurt, there would be shame and pain and guilt once she got to the bottom. But she couldn’t see it, not yet, so she just let herself fall.

She jumped up from the bench and stepped back towards the locker room door. “No, it’s fine! It doesn’t even hurt. I’ll...I’ll just put some cold water on it. I’ll be right back!”

She turned and pretty much bolted towards the door. She ran into one of the bathroom stalls and leaned against the door to close it, not even bothering to lock it. In a breath, her eyes were closed and her hand was down her pants, her fingers sinking into her dripping core, her thumb rubbing her clit hard and fast, her other hand toying with her breasts through her sports bra.

_She was in the hallway, walking away from the cafeteria when she heard running footsteps behind her. She turned just as Beau crashed into her and held on to her arm tightly._

_“What the fuck! You can’t just leave me like that, Yash!” She yelled out, her eyes burning so intensely Yasha could feel them sear through her skin._

_“I’m only trying to do what’s right! She’s right for you, I’m not! I was right for someone else...”_

_“I don’t fucking care! I don’t want her, I want_ you _, Yasha!” She raised herself on the tips of her toes and kissed Yasha, hard and fast. “And I know you want me too. Stop pushing me away.”_

_All of Yasha’s self control seemed to vanish. She picked Beau up, letting her wrap her arms around her neck and her legs around her waist, as they stumbled into the school’s empty computer lab. She dropped Beau off carefully on an empty table, their lips locked as they made out with none of the gentleness of before. Yasha reached behind her and locked the door even without looking, as she started peppering Beau’s neck and shoulders with hungry open mouth kisses._

_“Take your leggings off. Now.” She growled into Beau’s skin, her hands roaming under her shirt, feeling her defined abs tense with every touch._

_Beau didn’t need to be told twice, with harsh, jerky movements, she pulled the leggings down and kicked her sneakers off, letting it all fall in a messy pile on the floor. Yasha fell to her knees between her legs, drinking in her surprised gasp, as well as the sight of Beauregard Lionett, bare and glistening for her._

_“You look so beautiful like this...” She sighed, sinking her teeth into Beau’s thigh._

_“The view from up here is fucking fantastic too.” Yasha used her fingers to part her lips and licked one long, slow strip from bottom to top. Beau’s hands flew to her hair, tangling in it to pull her closer. “Oh fuck,_ Yasha _!”_

_“Don’t take your eyes off me.” Yasha ordered and pushed two fingers inside her again. Beau was still as wet and pliant as before and she slid in to the knuckle with no resistance. Beau keened, her lids fluttering as she fought against the instinctual will to screw her eyes shut and focused on Yasha instead. “Just like that, good girl!”_

_Yasha wasted no more time after that, she grabbed one of Beau’s legs, tossing it over her shoulder and dove in. After all the teasing, it didn’t take long for Yasha to take Beau right to the edge again. Working her fingers at an increasingly fast pace as she lavished Beau’s clit with her tongue, she turned Beau into an incoherent, panting mess._

_“Please, please, please!”_

_Her thighs shook around Yasha’s head, the trembling running up her body as she got to the brink of climax. Finally, Beau could no longer keep herself up on her elbows to stare at Yasha and fell back on the table with a groan._

_Yasha considered stopping, since Beau had ended up disobeying her, but she couldn’t bring herself to deny Beau her pleasure for the second time. As endearing as her frustrated whines were, the sound of her desperate moaning, now that they were in a relatively more private place and Beau was no longer trying to quiet herself, was too sweet to interrupt._

_With a twist of her fingers, Yasha found Beau’s sweet spot again and she keened, her hips lifting from the table top. Yasha put a hand on her stomach, fingers splayed over those mouth watering, sweat slicked abs of hers, and kept her down, as she continued hitting that place with every thrust. Ever twitch of Beau’s muscles made Yasha’s chest fill with a wicked pride, every sound from her lips was a song made just for her and, with one final flick of her tongue, Beau came with a strangled cry._

And so did Yasha.

“Yasha? Are you okay?”

Beau’s voice just outside of the locker room snapped her out of the delicious fog of orgasm. Yasha blinked slowly and looked down at the towel she had dropped unceremoniously on the floor. She should have stuffed it in her mouth to stop any noises, but it had not even crossed her mind. Having grown up in the foster system, always sharing rooms with both friends and relative strangers, Yasha knew privacy was a rare and precious commodity, so she had learned to take advantage of when she had it and be quiet when it came to both her pleasure and pain the rest of the time. She thought it would be the same this once. But, then again, nothing about this was normal.

“Y-yeah...” She yelled back, her voice surprisingly strained. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

How was she supposed to walk out and face Beau after this? How was she supposed to face _herself_ after breaking every single one of her rules? Well... not all, not yet.

She expected the guilt and disgust from before to grip her like a vice as soon as the lust of the moment passed and while she did feel some of that to a degree, it was dulled out but an overwhelming giddy rush. Like ridding a roller coaster, like jumping into the water from a high cliff, like falling in love...

No, not falling in love. That was the one rule she thought she had not broken yet... She was just afraid that looking into Beau’s eyes again would prove her wrong.

“I think I’m too tired to do the push up thing now. Can we reschedule?” She called out to Beau. “I’m going to take a shower. See you at lunch, okay?”

Beau took a while to answer and Yasha started to think she had just left without saying anything when she heard Beau walk into the locker room. Her footsteps stopped just outside of her stall and Yasha held her breath.

“Look, I don’t want to imply anything about your finger. But I want you to know I won’t tell anyone, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Beau’s understanding of the situation was so wrong but so spot on at the same time. Yasha didn’t know what to say, she didn’t even know how to force herself to start breathing again. The only thing she knew for sure was that she couldn’t leave that stall until Beau was gone.

“I-I would appreciate that.” She muttered. “T-thank you... for that and for not judging, I guess.”

“Have you seen me? Who am I to judge.” She laughed dryly. Yes, Yasha had seen her. She had seen her a lot. That was sort of the problem. “No one gets sent here because they don’t have issues. I’m a mess too... Not that I’m saying you’re a mess!”

Despite herself, despite everything, Yasha laughed. She most definitely was a mess.

She felt the moment when Beau leaned against the stall’s door, unknowingly pushing back against Yasha’s weight. “What I meant is that we’re all complicated and if you ever want to talk about that with someone who doesn’t take notes or makes you look at an ink blot test, I’m here. But I guess I said that before...”

“It’s nice to hear it again, though...”

“Anytime, angel.” There was a moment where they both froze, nothing but a thin wooden door between them. Yasha knew she had probably heard Molly call her that nickname and it had just slipped, that she didn’t mean anything by it. But it sounded so sweet and intimate when she said it, like a pet name between lovers. She hated how much she liked it. “Anyways... I’ll see you at lunch, yeah?”

Beau was gone before Yasha could gather her thoughts again, so she just picked up the towel and walked into the showers. When she was naked under the hot spray, she squeezed her pinky as hard as she could and screamed into the tile wall.

She was no angel. She didn’t deserve the sweetness of the word or what it implied. But damn it, she wanted it. Despite it all, she wanted _her._


End file.
